waiting for an email

Sitting in Bend, OR; we take off tomorrow. We did an early AM ride up to Mt Bachelor - beautiful ride via a bicycle. Drive too I guess; which we plan on doing as soon as Pierre gets back from FedEx dropping bikes. Things would be so much easier without a bike - i.e. flying. But who likes simple? My mind if filled with a thousand thoughts. Way too cluttered to make much sense at the moment or draw conclusions. I seem to just be in a mode where I am taking alot in. Post JR Nats and pre Fitchburg and pre 2nd big half of the season always causes me to contemplate. It is near July and we have been training for the 2010 season for 8 mos now. Actually training 5; then race prep and taper and peak and about time for a rest after Fitchburg for many.
But I get locked away thinking did I do everything I possibly could, for my athletes? This Nationals I have a group of newbies whereas last year I had 2 "seniors". I have new cat 3's, a 14 yr old at his first Nats, and then of course Nate who, gosh damn when is that phone going to ring? Riding first year U23 and going for it. Yeah he was beaten, but this kid. I was fortunate enough to meet Jim Miller who is USAC Athlete Dirctor and I asked him "what do we have to do?" How can we get Nate on the National team. He answered with "we are doing it". Maybe I will figure out what this means one day.

This sport is ?, so much is crazy. These athletes work so hard, I mean I was one of them, you work so hard just to be in a break one day and ride your butt off. Of course it has taught me much great of life, how to work hard of course; but there is more to it than working hard.
I hope I can get my ideas together so that I can move forward. Something else is there. I am so tired of trying to get my jrs on a U23 I just wanna start my own. Stop begging. This sport seems to be about begging and I cannot stand it anymore. Rather have the $ and do what I want. When I think of the companies where 150K really isn't that much - makes me think I can do it. Just how? That what I have to figure out. If it were easy we all be doing it.

Of course then I have the struggles inside, again, whenever I visit the west and witness the rhythm of life out here. I have been checking out real estate and being someone who started making money later in life, I have been thinking alot where will I own a house. There is something to the simpliness of living, as in Bend. I grew up on 160 acres of farm and I was never bored and I never needed the internet. I don't think I need it now, cept to help the athletes I coach in viewing power files all day and giving them advice as to what to do next. I don't know, I don't think I fit in with this age of technology. I mean I could, but I don't want to. I see people rush out to buy a new i-phone and I would rather be snowshoeing up a mtn where there is no signal. What is wrong with me? is that why I am writing on my blog?
actually I am trying to sort my feelings and not sure why I doing it here as this is public and I am very private person. I started to try and figure out what the hell is a blog... I mean yeah one writes... but do we care about others reading it.... okay I guess it is sharing knowledge in which case this blog is a disaster coz I am not sharing much. now Avery - that dude can write. as can Jim, must be a Wilson thing.

I am driven almost possessed to see the athletes that I think deserve recognition, succeed. I wanna know the game inside and out. maybe this is what I am thinking about. right now I need write a few training plans, rest I will write on the plane. Big time of the season right now and maybe this is what I am feeling. when you coach athletes and you know what each of them need and you are trying to deliver it, searching for the proper tools so they understand. I told Avery to race like he cooks, without a recipe. I liked this one; coz you can't think TOO much in racing, you have to just see it and feel it and know when it is time to suffer and then suffer some more and when to rest and when to eat etc etc. It isn't a book you read and know how to "race". I listen to these guys (the jrs) out here talk about racing to each other - they are masters in some ways, not old but with wisdom. Yeah of course they make simple mistakes, which this is what 2010 Nationals was about this year for the most part and now they know for Fitchburg.

I am going to sign out coz I cannot get my thoughts organized and don't like scatterbrain. Miss everyone, Jim and Nate and Kevin took off and it is way too quiet in this house. All I hear is that crazy sprinkler.